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Kitten Tried as Cat, Sentenced to Death
Winkie, a mixed breed kitten from Pensacola, Florida, was accused, tried as a cat and convicted by his owner Colleen Powers Tuesday for urinating on her business stationary and is being held at the local pound where he faces almost certain imminent death by chemical injection, sources reveal.
The incarceration of Winkie adds to the estimated 150,000 felines currently languishing in Florida's penal system - more than double the total number of African Americans and Hispanics imprisoned in the state combined - a troubling statistic that has spurred significant controversy over how to confront the growing epidemic.
Unemployed Molecular Feline Biologist Andy Buckman postulated: "A series of psychological and anatomical scientific tests have led me to conclude that the mind of a cat is dominated almost entirely by thoughts of fornication and senseless mischief. The common housecat has no concept of God, and is incapable of being redeemed through the light of Christ. Therefore, it is my belief that all cats are vessels of the devil and should be strangled on sight. A service I am, incidentally, willing to perform for free."
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