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Recently Laid-Off Man Yet to Murder Own Family

37 year-old Robert Klein of San Diego has yet to murder his family after losing his job last week, a local news agency reported this morning.

According to KFMB, the bodies of Klein's wife and five children were found watching a movie in their living room by a relative last night – the sixth that has passed since the former systems engineer was laid off by his former employer, Apex Biosystems Inc. Wednesday.

Despite admitting to feeling 'somewhat bitter' and 'worried' over his termination, Klein claims he isn't merely biding his time before shooting his spouse and kids with a high caliber firearm and setting the house on fire before blowing his own brains out on the front lawn in front of an audience of first responders.

"I'm not going to kill my family," Klein said.

When asked why not, the jobless powder keg used foul language, arguably undermining his credibility as someone who's somehow immune to the impulse of butchering his entire family in a bloody temper tantrum against a common life obstacle.

"I don't believe it for a second," one neighbor of the Kleins remarked. "If I lost my job I'd chop my family to shreds with an ax. My extended family included. Starting with my in-laws."

Still, Klein insists.

"I thought I might just try to find a new job," he says.

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