Mostly Unhelpful Inflation Fighting Tips
You might have noticed that prices on everything from gas for your LeBaron to cat food for your grandma have been going up recently. This is due to something called 'inflation'; and while the causes of inflation are much too complicated for you to understand, fighting it with some mostly useless money saving ideas is not. The following are a handful of tips that could slow your family's inexorable descent into financial ruin:
• Unlike expensive grocery stores, nature provides a bounty of free food. Your neighbor's garden, for example, or the dumpster behind Wendy's.
• Say goodbye to debt. Monthly debt payments are a huge money suck, so get rid of them for good by nuking the state of Delaware.
• Cut healthcare costs. Next time you feel unwell, tell yourself its nothing. It usually is.
• Reduce your family size. Maybe that third child seemed affordable before gas hit six dollars a gallon, but now? Not so much. Time to give little Liam the heave ho!
• Don't swerve, save! Whenever possible, replace the expensive meat you buy from the store with fresh roadkill shoveled from the side of the road.
• Trim your family's discretionary spending by 10-20%. An incremental change, this shouldn’t be very difficult – especially if its not your own food and entertainment costs you’re cutting.
• Reuse, recycle, repurpose. Ever notice that tinfoil and toilet paper have two sides? Or that your rusty old colander would make a useful hat? Ever wonder how much those homeless people make scavenging your recycling bin for aluminum cans? Maybe its time to find out!
• The heck with the Joneses. Instead of trying to match their lavish lifestyles, keep them at your level by destroying the expensive things they buy. Just don't get caught!
• Say "Au revoir" to the titty bar. You can save thousands on porn and strip club costs simply by using your imagination and/or a decent pair of binoculars.
• Hands off the thermostat! You can save hundreds off your heating and cooling bills each month by not being such a fucking pussy.