West Virginia Cracking Down Against Illegal Immigrant

Disgruntled with the federal governments's failure to enforce its own immigration laws, the people of West Virginia are taking matters into their own hands in dealing with the state's own illegal immigrant problem - a man named Ruben Cordova.

According to residents of the Mountain State, Cordova has been occupying a one bedroom apartment in Clarksburg and an American job - telecommuting as a data networks engineer for a pharmaceutical company - for the past five months without eliciting so much as a batted eyelash from immigration authorities.

"This guy just waltzes in here, steals one of our jobs, and the government won't do a damn thing about it," groused Jacob Miller of Clarksburg, "So I guess its up to citizens like me to send him back to Mexico."

Indeed, most of the town, its police force, and many more throughout West Virginia concerned over the invasion of their state by Mr. Cordova have pitched in to make him feel unwelcome in the hope he will exercise his own volition to "re-cross whatever border he jumped to get here".

"We follow him around in our cruisers everyday, to keep an eye on him and let him know he's not fooling anyone," remarked Clarksburg Police Officer Mark Stone, "It's a travesty that so much of our force's manpower has to be spent preventing this criminal from covering the town in spray paint, raping people or assaulting someone choosing to express their indignation by throwing trash at him as he prowls our streets."

Though Stone acknowledges that Cordova's possession of a H-1b work visa prevents him from doing more than sanctioning his harassment, Stone believes Cordova is getting the message.

"Signs for our recent annual watermelon seed spitting contest read, 'Come one, come all, except Ruben Cordova'," he chuckled, "I think that sent a pretty powerful message."

Cordova, originally from the Phillipines, says he isn't sure if he'll move out of West Virginia anytime soon.

"This place is terrible, worse than any place I might go if I walked off the side of a building or in front of a train, but I'm not sure I want to give them the satisfaction," he said.