Garbologists: US Consumers Should be Ashamed of Lack of Waste Production Over 2007 Holidays

Covering nearly three acres of land, the mountain of garbage trucked into the Fresh Kills landfill in Queens, New York the day after Christmas this year consisted of an estimated 35,000 tons of refuse - a pittance of filth relative to the usual prodigious holiday waste production of the area it serves.

Pensively contemplating the unopened packaging of a Leo Tolstoy bobblehead figure lying amidst the fly-ridden skeleton of a half-eaten turkey carcass at the base of a two hundred foot tall pile of junk, Fresh Kills Chief Operator Michael Lewis lamented, "We're usually good for 40,000 tons everyday for at least a week past Christmas, but not this year. Not even close."

Lowered hauls of trash were the norm across the nation as consumers in the United States barely produced 30 million tons of waste this holiday season, a harbinger of economic hardship for everyone if the trend continues, garbologists claim.

"Waste production is a barometer of health for a consumer based economy, but drops such as we're seeing this year can also indicate a lack of patriotism when other economic vital signs fail to absolve consumers for not going out and purchasing vast amounts of products regardless of whether they need them or not," remarked garbologist Grant Simon, "Americans who are most to blame - the ones who make their own presents and decorations, impose spending limits for gift buying, and conduct Secret Santa methods of gift distribution even amongst their own families should be ashamed of themselves."

Not limited to a disappointing haul in discarded cell phones, coffee mugs, perfectly functional DVD players, television sets, fruitcake and non-voice activated electronics, sanitation officials report that reduced levels of solid human waste flowing through their treatment facilities indicate Americans consumed less food this holiday season as well.

Noted economist Philip Buchanon: "You can see a lot looking into a toilet, and what's floating in America's collective bowl is certainly a sad, sorry disappointment."