This Week in History - June 22, 1913

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Shortly after abandoning his floundering career as an artist, Adolf Hitler tried his hand at stand-up comedy. Though he enjoyed some popular success at his new craft, the relentless abuse he received from the mostly Jewish comedic press - who almost unanimously dismissed his material as stupefyingly trite and misogynistic - left Hitler severely embittered, and he soon stomped off the stage for good, leaving generations to wonder, "What if?"

Presented here is a rare excerpt from one of his live performances at the Glucksen Haus in Berlin -

German to English translation:

"My girlfriend asked me if her butt looked big in her new pants and I said yes, because I don't give a shit."

"How come women are always complaining that men leave the toilet seat up? As if they should never lift a finger?"

"I want to know what international body met to sanction the down position as the correct position for a toilet seat! Did I miss a meeting here?! I say quit bitching and go wipe my pee off the floor, go clean the kitchen, go polish my shoes, go make me a sandwich! I'm out of here!"