Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

Scientists Warn Kellyanne Conway's Face Melting at an Accelerated Pace

Scientists issued a new warning today that Kellyanne Conway's face is melting much faster than previously estimated.

"Recent analysis shows that Mrs. Conway's face is in fact disintegrating at an accelerated pace, and will likely collapse completely by the year 2020 if significant efforts are not made to slow the process," remarked Dr. Norman Squeers of the Global Science Institute.

Attributing the shockingly rapid deterioration of Conway's facial features to an excess of sun exposure and possible alcohol and/or tobacco abuse, experts are now predicting that some of the 37 year-old counselor's prominent appendages, including her nose and ears, are in imminent danger of falling off.

"Allow me to be blunt. This is not normal for a woman her age. Barring Trump's impeachment or the redundancy of Mrs. Conway, the president of the United States will have a counselor with no face by the end of his administration," Squeers said.

Despite the ominous warning, members of record within the Republican Congress and Trump administration continue to deny that there's anything wrong with Conway's face.

"It looks fine to me," Rep. James Kaminsky (R-WV) said. "That's all just part of the natural aging process."

Read More

    Neil Young Quarantined After Musicians Declared Endangered Species

    Republican Congress Introduces New 'NASCARE' Healthcare Plan