Aliens Arrive, In Search of Affordable Housing

For centuries, but perhaps even more so over the past few years as governments have finally started to acknowledge encounters with extraterrestrial spacecraft, humans have been wondering over the intentions of our alien visitors.

Ranging from surveyance for future conquest and exploitation of our natural resources to more benevolent motives involving an intervention to save us from our own self-destructive ways, speculations have abounded, but as it turns out, none of these guesses was accurate. As of 8:23am PST today, when a landing party of over 500 Targzissians disembarked from a spaceship in Glendale, just outside Los Angeles, we received our answer, and it has nothing to do with planetary domination or preempting earthly nuclear Armageddon. As it turns out, all the aliens want is affordable housing.

Sharzut and Druuknid Krang and their 3-Oberon-year-old child Vuukon, for example, a family of three who travelled 50 million light years to escape spiraling rent prices on their own planet, arrived in search of a two-bedroom apartment in the valley for around $1,600 – a price that unfortunately is not attainable in that market, according to real estate professionals.

"I'm afraid they’re not going to have much luck with that budget," 21st Century agent Jeff Garvey commented. "It's too bad they came all this way, but $1,600 just isn’t going to get you too far in Southern California these days."

"A studio in Gardena, maybe," added Garvey.

Still, the Krangs say that other factors limit the upsides of moving to a more affordable part of the world.

"It’s a childcare issue, actually," Druuknid said. "I've got a shape-shifting cousin living as a human in Eagle Rock who could help watch little Vuukon while Sharzut and I both got jobs – which would at save us more than we would by moving to somewhere like Ohio."