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Trump Signs Executive Order Making English Official Language of World

President Trump signed a new executive order today making English the official language of the world.

Titled, "Making English the Official Language of the World", the order would effectively ban the use of all other languages across the globe.

"English is so great. So, so great. This was a real no-brainer. Really something that should have been done a long time ago," Trump remarked. "English is the best. Literally, it's the only language that makes any sense. I mean, 'Ching chang chong'. What is that?"

"Mucha lupa frucha frito," Trump continued, disparagingly. "It's gibberish. Spanish is a disaster. French is a disaster. Whatever Japanese people speak is a complete and total disaster. It's enough already."

And, added Trump: "This is a good thing. People want this."

In order to help enforce his new restrictions, violations of which could reportedly incur sanctions or loss of US funding, American travelers are being encouraged to report the speaking of foreign languages by foreign people in the foreign countries they visit.

"If you hear something, say something," White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said in his daily briefing.

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