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Analysis: Trump Visit Leaves Asia Significantly Dumber
Having just returned from a grueling 13-day, 5 nation tour of Asia, President Trump may be disappointed to learn that he could be asked to spend a lot more time abroad after an analysis revealed that his trip made the region significantly dumber.
Among the less notable outcomes of his diplomatic efforts, it was determined that the President's remarks, speeches, and possibly his very presence measurably reduced the collective intelligence of Japan, South Korea, China, Vietnam and the Philippines.
"It was... fantastic. We had a really great relationship," an uncharacteristically disoriented Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe said yesterday of Trump's recent visit to his nation. "It was really, terrific."
"Probably the best ever," Abe haltingly added a moment later.
Meanwhile in Seoul, an absently smiling South Korean President Moon Jae-in echoed his counterpart's sentiments while playing with his phone during a press conference Tuesday, calling Trump's visit: "Fun."
"It was neat," Moon said. "We had sandwiches."
The unexpected result has the Capitol buzzing.
"This is amazing. It's like discovering Asian kryptonite," remarked one State Department official anonymously. "If we can keep Trump on the ground over there on even a somewhat consistent basis it could give us a real leg up on the world stage."
It remains to be seen whether "The Trump Effect" will have a similar impact on other nations, but members of government are crossing their fingers for the president's trip to Europe in January.
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