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New Day of Week Sturmwedonfritunday Now Every Day of Week
In the blurred new reality of quarantines and stay at home orders, one man has conceived of a new name for all the days of the week that for many have lost all distinction: Sturmwedonfrituday.
"After about the fifth week of waking up with nowhere to go, I found myself asking, what day is it? Monday? Thursday? Saturday? Then, I realized, what the fuck difference does it make?" Sturmwedonfrituday inventor Wesley Campbell remarked.
According to Campbell, Sturmwedonfrituday, which is every day until who the fuck knows, is a good day to start learning a new language, or to spend 14 straight hours assembling about seven pieces of a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of monochromatic hot air balloons.
"I actually started to learn Japanese about Sturmwedonfritudays ago. I figure that's a pretty good waste of time. Also, I took my phone apart to try to figure out how it works and started reading Don Quixote in Spanish even though I don't know Spanish," he said.
Campbell says other ideas for spending your Sturmwedonfrituday include watching the Game Show Network for 20 consecutive hours, dressing your cat up in doll's clothing so it looks like a little girl and finally sitting down to write that manifesto.
"I taped some old newspapers up in my windows so my neighbors can't see what I'm doing," he said. "Honestly, it's none of their damn business."
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