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Hundreds of Search Party Members Miss Final Four

BLUFFTON, KY - Hundreds of police and local citizens who spent hours combing the woods for 25 year-old Allison Wheeler, a woman who vanished from this quiet Appalachian town three weeks ago, missed the Final Four Saturday.

"It's really disheartening," remarked one search party member, "Bluffton is a small, close-knit town, and nobody's going to ask the Wheelers to move the search back a day for the sake of the college basketball playoffs, but then again nobody should have to. It's not like Kentucky was playing Louisville in the matchup of the century or anything."

Despite their efforts, the search party failed to locate any sign of Wheeler.

"Well it has been three weeks," remarked one Bluffton townsperson, "It's not like we were going to find her out there roasting marshmallows."

Other members of the search party also expressed their disappointment with what they viewed as a perfunctory endeavor.

"Of course we feel bad for the family, but the whole thing was pretty much a waste of time," remarked another Blufftonite, "To be honest, most of us spent the day keeping track of the games on our phones or kicking at sticks and complaining."

Added the man: "Seriously, we couldn't look for Allison's corpse on Sunday? I mean, the Final Four only comes around once a year, but that girl's gonna be dead forever."

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