Santa Claus Accuses Bill Cosby of Rape

The ever-growing list of Bill Cosby accusers grew by one more today as Santa Claus himself has claimed that the embattled funnyman drugged and sexually assaulted him Thursday morning.

Appearing on CNN's @This Hour, a visibly distraught Father Christmas alleged that he started to feel "woozy" in the pre-dawn hours of December 25th after drinking a glass of eggnog left by Cosby, and that he awoke several hours later by the comedian's Christmas tree knowing that he had been sexually violated.

"When I woke up, I found my pants were on backwards and my glasses and beard were crusted with semen," St. Nick said, "My rectum was also very sore."

Santa revealed that he believes Cosby also molested some of his reindeer.

"I can't say for sure, but Vixen, Donner and Cupid have all been acting very strange lately," he said.

Santa went on to apologize to the 800 million children, including every child in Africa, who his incapacitation prevented him from delivering gifts to this year.

"To all the good little boys and girls whose stockings were left empty this Christmas, I am very sorry, but Santa was out cold, getting butt-raped by Bill Cosby," he said.