I've Got A Mouth on Me
By: Gerald Madison

Hey shitface, guess what? I got a mouth on me. At least that's what all the fart-sucking dicktards in this jiz-stain fuckberg of a town say, anyway.

All my teachers have said so. From Cum Dump DiCicco to Fat Snatch Fitzgerald, they all say, Gerald, you have a mouth on you. To which I invariably reply, "Shine my shit-chute, ball breath."

They make such a face, you'd think I just turded in their dick cheese.

One time I was at a Red Sox game when some public relations genius saw me and thought it would be a hot fucking idea to have me shout 'play ball!' before the game at home plate, only instead of that dumb shit I grabbed my nuts and yelled, "Bitch tits!"

Lots of people told me I had a mouth on me that day. I told them to suck it.

Another time, my dipshit mother and fat-ass dad sent me to a psychiatrist, and the shrink was all, "Your brain is fucked up or some shit, blah, blah, blah", and so I offered to plow his mom’s asshole, free of charge, and of course he goes, "Wow, you have a real mouth on you," and I was like, "No shit, twat face."

Fuck off.

Now, the first person to ever say I have a mouth on me was my priest. Then he made me blow him. I think he's a priest over in Beverly now.