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Def Leppard Replaces Drummer with One-Armed Mexican

Def Leppard announced today that they have replaced longtime drummer Rick Allen with Carlos Moreno, a one-armed itinerant percussionist from Chihuahua, Mexico.

The move to bring on the 45 year-old Moreno, who will man the skins on the glam rock band's upcoming Fall tour of the US, was purely a business decision, Leppard frontman Joe Elliot said.

"We love Rick and always will. He's a brother and a fantastic one-armed drummer, but the fact is, Carlos is just as good and is willing to play for $7 an hour," Elliot remarked.

Galvanizing conservative groups, the surprise supplantation of Allen with a cheaper one-armed Mexican drummer has added fuel to the ongoing immigration debate as those on the right say it exemplifies the danger liberal immigration laws pose to American workers.

"Some people think the Mexicans are only coming to take our crop picking and tree trimming jobs, but that's not true," America First spokesman Doug Landry argued. "Construction, drumming, financial planning, biochemical engineering, you name it, no job is safe."

According to Landry, he knew a man in San Francisco who died after having his appendix removed by a Guatemalan seamstress.

"Apparently the hospital figured it was just a little cutting and sewing, so what's the difference? Save a few bucks," he said. "Well, that guy is dead now."

While the authenticity of Landry's story has yet to be confirmed, it has been determined from a Wikipedia search that Def Leppard is in fact a British band.

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