Ketchup Shortage Could Trigger Economic Death Spiral, Experts Warn

With the supply chain issues that have caused an ongoing nationwide ketchup shortage only getting worse, the skyrocketing cost of America's favorite condiment is threatening to wreak havoc not only on fast food fans, but the entire economy, experts warn.

"It's really turning into a perfect storm. People who would normally consume ten to twenty packets of ketchup with their Double Whopper and fries are being rationed to a meager two or three packets - or worse yet, are substituting other condiments such as mustard or even horsey sauce, which is just gross," Business Analyst John Thacker described.

"The inevitable negative feedback loop soon follows. Folks eat less ketchup or spend more to get it, cutting into their cookie and candy bar budget and thus reducing their sugar consumption, negatively impacting Quickie Mart owners, dentists and the pharmaceutical industry as less people develop diabetes," Thacker went on.

"The spiral then widens. Not only will the Girl Scouts and Dr. Szell suffer, but so will Eli Lilly and Pfizer's shareholders, their yoga instructors, personal chefs and sex workers, eventually precipitating a general economic collapse."

According to Thacker, the gravity of the current ketchup crunch should make solving it the country's top priority.

"Seriously, if I have to eat Chipotle for another month, my colon is going to explode," he said.