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DeSantis Strips Manatees of State Protections Over Homosexual Behavior

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on Monday signed a bill stripping manatees of their state protections over reports of homosexual behavior.

DeSantis, who has made the fight against wokeism and gay and transexual rights the top priority of his administration, argued that thelegislation will help protect children.

"It has recently come to my attention that manatees of the same gender assigned to them at birth have been observed fornicating in the waters off our shores. This cannot be tolerated," DeSantis remarked. "Children visit these waters. Kids play along these shores. And as long as I'm governor, never will the welfare of our children be held subordinate to some gay walruses."

Though still protected by federal law, the publicity surrounding the repeal of state protections has already spurred some Floridians to lash out against the gentle sea creatures, including one man who was arrested by the Coast Guard for urinating on a manatee from the deck of his boat.

"I got f****** kids, man. You want my kids to see that s***?" the man, who was also charged with boating under the influence, was overheard saying while being apprehended. "I'm sorry, I thought this was America."

As of press time, Florida State Senator Rico Boulanger has submitted a new bill that would legalize the hunting of manatees.

"F*** those fat f*****s," the Senator declared.

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