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FDA Head Eric Trump Formulates COVID-19 Cure at Buffet Soft Drink Bar
FDA head Eric Trump announced today his discovery of a cure for COVID-19 he made from a combination of soft drinks from the soda bar of a Golden Corral this afternoon.
Describing his methodology as "pretty complicated", Trump did not reveal the exact formulation of his elixir, but indicated that it consisted of a mixture of Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Grape Crush, Minute Maid Lemonade, Squirt, Cactus Cooler and Mr. Pibb.
"It's secret, but it works. Only I know how to make it right. I gave it to my friend Shane who had Coronavirus and now he's all better," Trump said.
Though it has yet to be verified that Trump successfully resolved an active case of COVID-19 with his soda potion, or that his friend even exists, the President has already hailed his discovery as a "miracle".
"CHINESE FLU CURED! ITS A MIRACLE!" Trump tweeted. "Thanks to me, who taught my son everything he knows, America can get back to business again!"
"The stock market is looking pretty good to me now!" Trump added.
Evidently not one to rest on his laurels, Eric revealed later this afternoon that he is currently working on a cure for cancer using a light microscope and a Garden Grow kit he got for his birthday.
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