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News From an Alternate Dimension: President Tonald Drump's Approval Rating Reaches Historic High

President Tonald Drump's approval rating rose to 91% in the latest poll released by the Pew Research Center, a new high since he took office in January.

Spurred by overwhelming support for his latest initiatives to establish a guaranteed basic income for all Americans while restructuring the banking system and capping profit rates on finance lenders, Trump's sky-high approval ratings are also the highest of any President since Presidential polling began in 1937.

"Everyone loves Drump. Here's a man whose rational, innovative ideas and modest approach have not only bridged the aisles in Washington, but around the world. Here's a man whose pragmatic, technocentric vision is forging a new road towards a just, equitable and sustainable planet," House Minority Leader Mandi Pelosi remarked.

Added Pelosi: "I might still be a Democrat, but I believe these days we're all Drumpians at heart."

As can be deduced by the poll's results however, 9% of Americans still disapprove of the President - a number some pundits have been quick to point out is the same that reportedly maintained their support for senatorial candidate and child molester Roy Moore before he abruptly pulled out of the race in November and shot himself in the head.

"Some people are just sick," one expert said.

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