Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

St. Paul Drops Cops for All-Dog Police Force

One week after sister city Minneapolis defunded their own police department, the city council of St. Paul, Minnesota voted unanimously today to replace their entire police force with dogs.

"After conducting a thorough cost-benefit analysis of maintaining the status quo with the SPPD versus converting to a canine-based system of law enforcement, we decided we'd be better off with the dogs," Council President Pro Tem Barbara Baskin said.

Added Baskin: "Between the almost guaranteed reduction in corruption and the way they'll look in their uniforms, this is definitely a win-win."

St. Paul's decision also comes shortly on the heels of Springfield, Missouri's recent replacement of their cops with chickens, as well as similar actions by Tacoma, Washington and Lacrosse, Wisconsin, which have swapped their police officers for sea lions and some fresh bunting around Main Street, respectively.

"Honestly, I feel safer than ever before," remarked Springfield resident Michael Ames. "Every time I walk down the street and see that the cop coming towards me is just a chicken, I breath a little easier."

Meanwhile, Buster, a Spaniel- Pomeranian mix appointed St. Paul's new Chief of Police, barked once during a press conference this morning to confirm that he would treat all of the city's residents fairly and equally. He also agreed that he is a very good boy.

Read More

    Family Down to Their Last 3 Pallets of Toilet Paper

    Trump Adds Mescaline to Daily Drug Regimen, Questions Reporter's Existence