Christian Scientists Close to Developing New Prayer to Combat Coronavirus

Working tirelessly since the first American was infected earlier this month, a group of Christian scientists say that they are nearing the completion of a new prayer that will "utterly destroy" the Coronavirus.

"Integrating both Old and New Testament passages of the Bible, this highly specific, recombinant prayer will not only treat and prevent the Coronavirus bacteria, but it will banish it from the Earth for all eternity, hallelujah," the collaboration's Principal Investigator Dennis Ferguson declared this morning on his podcast.

"All we need is just a little more funding," Ferguson went on to mention. "About $10 million ought to cover it."

Ferguson indicated that contributions to their effort could be made via PayPal or Venmo as well as by check or cash.

"Sadly, we live on a planet where gay fornication has unleashed an unholy plague that will kill us all," he said. "Fortunately however, we live in a time when God has granted good people a variety of convenient payment options to support His works."

Meanwhile, Vice President and national Coronavirus task force leader Mike Pence applauded the group's near-accomplishment.

"It's certainly great news," he said. "I guess this means people should start buying stocks again."