Study: Moderate Ass Play Significantly Reduces Women's Risk of Butt Cancer

A research article appearing in this month's first-ever issue of Ladies Science reveals that ocassional butt play can significantly reduce a woman's chances of developing butt cancer.

"Our research project shows that women who are up for a little butt sex are less likely to die a painful, gross death from ass cancer by something like 50%," the study's author Chad Myers remarked.

"It's kind of like how a glass of red wine here and there is actually good for you," elaborated Myers. "We're not talking about a massive amount of butt sex here. Just every once in awhile. Like maybe after that glass of wine."

According to the 312-word paper's findings, women who never engage in butt sex retain large amounts of stress in their butt, leading to the ass cancer.

"We all have tons of stress in our lives. These days more than ever, and our research shows that the best way to relieve that pressure is through butt sex," Myers said.

The study also indicates that other forms of light butt play such as the licking or fingering of a man's butthole by a woman can also reduce her risk of deadly butt tumors, or 'assinomas'.

"We don't really know how that works, but it does," Myers claimed.