American Men Sweep Medals in Mass Shooting

Americans Colby Tyler Smith, Robert Lee Harris and Aiden Dylan Lindquist dominated the Men's Mass Shooting event in Tokyo today, sweeping the medals in the event's inaugural competition.

Smith, 17, a seemingly normal high school senior hailing from White Fish, Idaho, took the gold after opening fire on a busy subway station in Tokyo's Shinjuku district this morning, killing 32 and wounding 40 more before being gunned down by Japanese police.

"HA! HA! HA! Did I win? I bet I won! I bet I'm famous!" Smith prophesied in an online post that offered little insight into the motivation for his actions.

"USA! USA!" Smith added.

Meanwhile, Harris, a White Nationalist, lamented having 'to kill so many Japs' in order to compete for the gold.

"It's really nothing personal. I appreciate their help during WWII," he wrote in his own note prior to shooting himself after killing 34 in a Ginza outdoor market. "It would have been better if the Olympics were being held in Israel or some Mexican country, but that's the way it goes, I guess."

No other countries other than the United States fielded participants in this year's competition.