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Dept. of Education Introduces Controversial New "Just the Tip" Sex Ed Campaign

Responding to reports showing lowering birth rates across the nation, the Department of Education is rolling out a controversial new campaign titled "Just the Tip" that tells teens that it's okay to engage in unprotected sex for brief periods of time.

"Absolute abstinence remains the fundamental policy of the government, but in the interest of honest disclosure, it's incumbent upon us to acknowledge to kids who choose to have sex that they can engage in coitus without consequence as long as it's 'just the tip'," DOE spokesman Christopher Lawrence remarked.

Added Lawerence: "For too long we've pursued policies designed to scare our children into doing the right thing, and they've backfired. Here, all we're saying is, sure, it's okay to see what real sex in all its undiminished pleasure feels like for a few seconds before you stop and put a condom on."

Scheduled to become mandatory in all schools receiving federal funds this week, 'Just the Tip' is meeting with stiff resistance from some teachers and parents.

"I know all about this 'just the tip' theory. It's how my son was born," one mother opposed to the new curriculum commented. "It's what his father told me about 10 seconds before the boy was conceived."

"Not that I don't love my son," the woman went on, "but if I end up with a grandkid at 35 because of some 'just the tip' bullshit, I'm going to have someone's balls."

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