Source: Government Sneaking COVID Vaccine into Heroin, Cigarettes

Are you one of the millions of Americans opposed to getting a COVID-19 inoculation? You might get one anyway according to a source who says the US government has started to slip the vaccine into your injectable drugs, cigarettes and even favorite junk foods.

"The rationale is that this crisis is so big, that the importance of reaching herd immunity before the virus mutates further supersedes the freedom of people to refuse to take a vaccine voluntarily," the source remarked.

"Despite likely having already received multiple vaccines during their lifetime, the clinical trials and millions of others who've been vaccinated without serious side effects that point to the vaccines' safety, some people are exceedingly cautious about what they put into their bodies. Which is why the government started introducing doses of the Moderna vaccine into the US heroin supply in January."

Though an estimated 1.5 million Americans who wouldn't otherwise take the vaccine do use injectable narcotics such as heroin and methamphetamine, tens of millions more do not, prompting a new CIA-military collaboration to develop an inhalable version.

"Its efficacy is significantly lower, but inhalational COVID vaccine is happening," the source revealed. "Unbeknownst to them, hundreds of thousands of Americans who've refused to take a shot that would protect them against a highly contagious and deadly virus have received that immunity against their will through the cigarettes they smoke, or from the cheese dust they breathe in while gorging an entire bag of Doritos."

Made aware of the shocking news, one woman declared that she would immediately quit smoking and eating junk food until the pandemic had ended.

"Oh, who am I kidding?" she conceded, a second later. "I guess the bastards got me."