Florida Republican Party Refuses to Remove Alligator from Ballot Drop Box

As of Monday morning, the Florida Republican Party has yet to comply with a cease and desist order to remove an alligator tied to a voting box in South Miami.

Arguing that no law exists that explicitly prohibits the attachment of animals to ballot receptacles, the party has claimed that the large, threatening reptile is a necessary protection against voter fraud in the predominantly liberal neighborhood.

"The truth is, if we removed that alligator from that box, people would immediately start stuffing it full of fraudulent ballots," FRP spokesman Brian Jefferies said. "They're just waiting for their chance. With their stacks of counterfeit ballots."

Similar to another dispute in Michigan, where a bear remains leashed to a tree within feet of a ballot box in Ann Arbor, as well as in Pennsylvania where a visibly sick man has for days been sitting on a bench beside a drop box in Philadelphia, the GOP signaled that they plan to actually expand their ballot protection measures.

"Anyone with COVID or a vicious dog or a tiger or something who is willing to donate their time monitoring a drop box in a liberal area where voter fraud is most likely to occur, you would be providing a valuable civic service," Jefferies said.