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Would-Be Mass Shooter Fails to Put North Barling, Indiana on Map

A would-be mass shooter attracted sparse media attention after failing to kill a single person during an ill-conceived rampage in North Barling, Indiana Tuesday.

Opening fire outside a Marshall's just after 10:30 a.m., the man, Austin Travis, or Travis Austin, 22, shot and wounded three people before a fourth ran away.

"All things considered, it wasn't too bad," remarked North Barling Mayor Pete Hoffman, who was one of the few wounded in the attack. "I've got a bit of a hole in my shoulder, but I can't really complain."

Armed with an AR-19 and over 500 rounds of ammunition, Travis or Austin later spent nearly fifteen minutes stalking the mostly deserted shopping center before putting the assault rifle to his head and severely injuring himself.

"Honestly, this particular Marshall's isn't overly crowded at 10:30 on a Tuesday," Hoffman said. "The local Chamber of Commerce and I are working on some ideas to revitalize our retail district, but in this case it was a good thing, I guess."

Meanwhile, Travis or Austin will likely spend the rest of his anonymous life in prison for his crimes - which by anyone's estimate wouldn't have garnered him much lasting notoriety even if he'd managed to kill twenty people or more.

"Right. Another mass shooting in America," Hoffman scoffed. "How original."

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