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Jocks Drive Mars Rover off Martian Cliff
Unmanned planet crawler Curiosity's mission on Mars came to disappointing end today after a group of jocks drove the rover off the side of a crater.
Exploiting slave-nerd computer knowhow, the jocks hacked into NASA's control network late last night and immediately began wreaking havoc on the mission, forcing Curiosity to make juvenile remarks and perform obscene actions.
NASA scientists were first alerted that something was wrong with Curiosity at 1:30 a.m. CST, when it Tweeted that it is gay. Their suspicions were confirmed less than two minutes later when the rover inaccurately reported itself to be on Uranus.
"At first I was like, ok, some jerk hijacked Curiosity's Twitter account. Ha ha. Real mature, guys," said Mars mission manager Arnold Skolnick, "But soon we discovered that they had control of the rover itself and we were like, 'oh crud'."
Shortly after its operational controls were commandeered, Curiosity began driving in circles while Tweeting "Wee!" and "Fuck Mars!".
Later, mission control watched on helplessly as the rover used its robotic arm to smash its own alpha-particle X-ray spectrometer and simulate masturbation of its radiation assessment detector.
"Yeah, that was really funny. Har-dee-har-har," scoffed project scientist Harold Wormser.
Finally, after five hours of amusing themselves with the $2.5 billion piece of equipment, the jocks drove it off the side of the Gale Crater.
Remarked member of the group Jake Stan Gable: "Who cares? It was a stupid rover anyway."
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