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Palestine to Relinquish 400 Acres of West Bank Land After Abbas Gets "Zonked" on Israeli Game Show
Israel is set to confiscate four hundred additional acres of Palestinian land in the West Bank after an appearance by President of the Palestinian National Authority Mahmoud Abbas on the popular Israeli game show "Let's Haggle!", a close facsimile of the American game show "Let's Make A Deal", popular in the 60s and 70s.
Dressed like an American cowboy in accordance with the show's stipulation that eligible contestants should be in costume, Abbas agonized over host Erez Tal's offer of venturing ownership of the territories for what was behind one of three prize doors, one of which puportedly concealed a treaty pre-signed by Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert conferring his aggrieved people their own state comprising 25% of Palestine and including East Jerusalem, but eventually succumbed to temptation and the noisy prodding of the studio audience.
Upon selecting the second door, a descending piano glissando accompanied the revelation of a gorilla dressed in a bridal gown.
Though it is a custom of the show to exact a trade from contestants in exchange for the opportunity to win more valuable prizes such as cars, entertainment centers and sovereign homelands, the items are almost always returned, but not in this case - compelling Abbas to cry foul.
"Shame on me for trusting a Zionist, but I figured the contest was legitimate because usually when they want more of our land they just take it, evict the residents and bulldoze their homes," Abbas complained, "But now I know I was tricked. I am certain beyond any shadow of a doubt that no autonomous Palestinian state was behind any of those three doors - that the whole thing was fixed such that I had no chance of going home with anything more valuable than a cross dressing primate, two hundred pounds of marshmallow salad, or a an old car that looks like it was sat on by an elephant."
Compounding Abbas's indignation, game show officials have refused to hand over the gorilla to the Palestinian people, arguing that the animal is the property of the Zoo of Tel Aviv, and citing its potential to be weaponized for use against Israel.
"They didn't even offer me the equivalent cash value of the gorilla," Abbas griped, "All I got was twenty dollars for the Koran I had in my back pocket. Cheap Jews."
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