US Jobless Rate Drops as More Americans Transition to Burglary, Drug Sales

The national jobless rate dropped for the fourth consecutive month in November as an increasing number of Americans are successfully transitioning into new fields.

A report released by the Department of Labor shows the biggest gains have been posted in the drug sales and burglary sectors.

"More folks are recognizing the need to make the leap into new careers that offer more opportunity, such as the home invasion and human smuggling fields," remarked Robert Pitt of Careermagazine.com.

Greg Campbell, who worked as an IT professional for 15 years before being laid off in August of 2009, attempted to make a living on Ebay before starting to rob houses in July.

"After two months doing the Ebay thing and ending up with a garage full of junk and two hundred dollars in my pocket to show for about five hundred hours of labor, I was like, 'the hell with this', and just started stealing the stuff from people's houses to sell," Campbell recounted, "My profit margin went from about zero to one hundred percent overnight, and I have a lot more time to spend with my family."

Paul Vogel of Potsdam, New Hampshire, who spent three months working at Target after losing his job with the FDA, revealed how he's gone from making $9 an hour to back over two thousand dollars a week as a successful white supremacist.

"People are looking to feel better about themselves, and joining a group like mine makes them feel automatically better than almost half the country," said Vogel, "And also we sell a lot of speed."

Pitt stressed that education is key to making a successful job transition.

"What I tell everyone who's looking to switch careers is 'read, read, and read some more'," Pitt said, "For example, if your plan is to go into the burglary or kidnapping for ransom fields, you're going to need to know about locks and home security systems. If you want to get into flim-flam, you'll want to study psychology to understand how to get vulnerable women to fall in love with you and give you all their money."