Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

Jets Trade Tebow, Soul to Satan

The New York Jets agreed to trade Tim Tebow and the team's soul to Satan today.

In exchange for Tebow and the franchise's ever-lasting soul, The Jets will receive future considerations from the Antichrist.

"Ideally we'll get a quarterback capable of throwing a football to someone on our own team for a change," remarked Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan, "That would be terrific."

Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum indicated that the team wouldn't scrutinize the character of any player Satan might use his dark influence to send their way.

"Christian, devil-worshipper, serial-killer, pedophile, whatever. If he can throw a ball accurately more than 50 yards downfield and not take a three-quarter second wind-up to do it, he can suck Satan's cock on Sunday for all I care," Tannenbaum said.

Despite not having their future compensation for Tebow and their soul guaranteed from Satan, the Jets say they're confident of the trade's mutual benefit.

"I've made a career going with my gut, and my gut is telling me here we can trust Satan," Tannenbaum said.

The Jets also reported today that they have traded traded quarterback Mark Sanchez for a Peyton Manning rookie card.

Read More

    New Birth Control Pill Turns Women into Christian Fundamentalists

    Family Sends First, Final Christmas Card

Fucked Up Family Circus