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Trump Appoints Steven Seagal Head of New 'National Super Intelligence Agency'
President Trump announced the appointment of actor Steven Seagal as the head of a new "National Super Intelligence Agency" today.
Explaining the need for the new NSIA via telephone to Fox News' Shepard Smith, the President made derogatory reference to the existing intelligence agencies, calling the NSA the 'National Stupid Agency' and the CIA 'dumb'.
Said Trump: "This new super intelligence organization, or 'agency' as I like to call it, was quite frankly created due to the failings of the regular intelligence organizations, which havn't been very intelligent at all lately and have in fact been quite dumb, to tell you the truth."
According to Trump, the success of the NSIA will likely be achieved by taking the exact opposite position of the nation's established intelligence agencies.
"The opposite of stupid is smart, last time I checked," the President said.
Meanwhile, Seagal affirmed many of his new boss's more dubious recent foreign policy moves during a satellite press conference conducted from his home in Moscow.
"Thanks to Donald, ISIS has been crushed and the war in Afghanistan has been won. Also, thanks to the President's expert diplomacy, North Korea has agreed to end their nuclear weapons program and enter into a new bilateral trade deal in which they will be sending us cat food and sandal parts in exchange for weapons-grade plutonium," he said.
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