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Town to Vote on Proposition to No Longer Exist

A local measure proposing that Crosby, Tennessee and its citizens no longer exist is receiving strong support from Crosby voters ahead of Tuesday's elections.

Crosby's Measure 1 reads: "Shall the City of Crosby no longer exist and its residents put to death by toxic gas through the adoption of Initiative 2014-3?"

The measure, which requires a simple majority of over 50% of Crosby's vote to pass, is currently polling at 48% in favor, with 40% opposed and 12% not sure.

Those opposed to 1 cite their undying hope for Crosby despite the economic stagnation it has suffered since the closure of a nearby clarinet factory in 1989, and the fact that the measure was initiated by the wealthy owner of an extermination company who lives just outside the city limits.

Those in favor of the measure cite the pointlessness of it all, and Nietzsche.

"For years we have bravely struggled against our insurmountable destiny, but all of our laughable efforts have ended in predictable failure," Crosby Councilwoman Sheila Timmons proclaimed, "As Nietzsche once said, 'One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly'. My friends, the time has come to give up."

 
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