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Protest Tips for Dumbasses

• Think of something to protest. A protest isn't much of a protest if nobody's complaining about anything, so this part is very important. Just make sure the thing you decide on isn't already resolved – like racism or the gays.

• Choose a practical, logical location for your protest. For instance, if you're going to sit beside a giant sign that says "Shame on Such-and Such Inc.", you should hold your protest outside that company's offices. Otherwise, people are liable to say, "What's 'Such-and-Such Inc.?'", to which you'll have to explain that it's a company on the other side of town, to which they're going to be like, "Mmmkay." Also, it would be probable in this scenario that 'Such-and Such Inc.' never even knows that you are protesting them.

• Pick an appropriate time for your protest. For example, if you're planning a sleep-in, start your event late at night, when people are most sleepy.

• Make sure to bring protest materials like fliers, pamphlets and visual aids to inform people of what you think stinks and how they can waste their time not being able to do a damn thing about it.

• Consider coming up with a catchy phrase for your protest that your fellow protestors can easily chant, like, "Becky's a smelly slut".

• Don't be afraid of using superlatives when making your protest signs. For example, "Becky's a Smelly Slut" is more effective than "Becky's Hygiene and Morals are Suspect". Also, it is more accurate, because Becky will sleep with anyone and smells like a jizbag.

• For some reason, walking from one place to another while protesting something is more effective than standing in one place. Don't ask.

• If you're organizing a march, try planning the route so that it passes places you need to stop anyway, like the dry cleaner and drug store.

• Get the proper permits. If the city you're planning your protest in doesn't issue them, call the police anyway so they have enough men on duty that day to insure everyone receives their own personal beating.

• Have an emcee who can lead protest songs and chants. Like, "Becky's a Smelly Slut".

• Invite community leaders to introduce the protest and make speeches relevant to the issue. For example, how many guys Becky’s blown since Junior year.


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