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Given a Choice Between Freedom and My Legs Back, I'd Actually Take the Legs
By: Cpl. Chad Schreyer

They say freedom isn't free. It requires sacrifice - of life, limbs and the like, and there seems to be an implicit assumption - especially amongst those who haven't given their life or any major appendages to this freedom that it's worth it. Personally, I gave both my legs to this voracious spiderman, and to tell you the truth, I'd rather have my legs back.

Honestly, if given a choice between digging a canal in a forced labor camp administered by the iron-fisted rule of a totalitarianistic regime on two good legs and sitting in a chair staring at a couple of useless stumps down at Starbucks, I'd take the former. Kinda miss the legs.

Not a popular sentiment, I realize. When people thank me for my sacrifice they aren't expecting me to tell them that it wasn't worth it. That freedom is a bunch of overrated baloney and they're the smart ones for staying home. So I just say, "Your welcome," and, "Thank you for your kind words." You two-legged fucks.

Seriously, what good is this freedom when the best option it affords you in the first place is to join the army and get your legs blown the fuck off? And now that I'm sans said legs, what am I supposed to do? Give my arms to liberty? No thanks, I need those for jacking off. At least until I cave for that $5,000 signing bonus to sacrifice my dick to equality or some shit.

The spiderman is always hungry...

 
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