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Obama Mows Down Animals at Virginia Zoo

President Obama visited the Richmond Wild Animal Park in Virginia this afternoon, shooting to death scores of animals and wounding dozens more with a vast arsenal of firearms.

According to witnesses, including several elementary school children visiting the zoo on a field trip, the President spent several minutes machine gunning a hippopotamus and her newborn calf with an M16, leaving mother and child in a bloody heap before moving on to an aviary, where he methodically gunned down several species of exotic birds with a .32 caliber Winchester rifle.

"He was very calm and collected, but you could also tell that he was enjoying himself," reported one man who witnessed Obama blow a meerkat's head off with a shotgun.

"Wow, I never knew the President was so bad ass," said the man.

The White House issued a statement shortly after Obama's spree indicating that the President used magazines containing no more than ten rounds each with any of his weapons, and that he "had a blast".

Still, the NRA was quick to scoff at the President's killing spree, dismissing it as a stunt designed to falsely portray himself as a gun and hunting enthusiast.

"I believe those zookeepers and traumatized children that it was Obama who slaughtered those animals, and if he truly enjoyed it, that's wonderful," NRA spokesman Jeff Walker said, "The timing, however, is suspect. That, and the way he was holding his TEC-9 while shooting at the baby panda in the tree – he really needs work on his form."

 
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