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President Obama Depressed
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced today that President Obama is suffering from depression.
The revelation has helped to put into context the President's sometimes sullen mood and odd behavior over the past couple of weeks, including his recent reference to those who perished in the tornado that devastated Joplin, Missouri last Sunday as "lucky bastards".
Obama, who has stopped playing golf, shaving and changing his clothes on a daily basis, also cancelled scheduled meetings with Israeli and Palestinian heads of state this week, calling them "idiots" and Middle East peace efforts "a stupid waste of time".
"The President is going through a bit of a rough patch right now," Carney said at this morning's press conference, "He is however doing all the right things to get better and will most assuredly return to his usual ardent, determined self sooner rather than later."
After the press conference, members of the press reportedly spotted an underwear-clad Obama chain-smoking in the White House Rose Garden, staring blankly at an azalea bush.
"Every year, millions of Americans struggle with chronic or short-term bouts of depression – it is quite common and typically isn't something you can control," commented Dr. Arnold Reynoso of Johns Hopkins University, "In this case however, considering he is the President of the United States, I'd be inclined to agree that he should snap out of it and get back to work for Christ sake."
Most recently, Obama decided not to make the trip to a two-day nuclear arms summit with Russia and several other former-Soviet states in Helsinki, Finland.
"What's the point?" pondered the President, "We'll all be dead soon anyway."
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