Eric Trump Awarded First-Ever Nobler Prize

Eric Trump took home the first-ever Nobler Prize today, a new award invented by his father to recognize achievements in science that will be "much more prestigious" than the Nobel Prize, according to the President.

"Frankly, the highly overrated Nobel Prize has been going downhill for years. Everybody knows it. Which is why I had to create my own award, which is honestly much better," Trump said.

Eric, whose research debunking the fundamental principles of climate change was conducted over a two-week period on Tuvalu, a small Pacific Island considered to be at-risk from rising ocean levels, took intermittent measurements of the atoll's weather and sea conditions during his stay there.

"Every day I'd check the weather on my phone, and one day the temperature would be higher than the day before, but then sometimes the next day it would be lower again," he observed.

"Also, I saw that the water was coming up higher on the beach, but then it would always go back down again," he added.

His honor notwithstanding, many of the scientists who have reviewed Trump's work have been dismissive.

"Interday temperature fluctuations will continue to occur as the planet continues to warm overall. Otherwise we'd be in real trouble," remarked Dr. Vincent Kulnari, a Professor of Climate Science at Stanford University.

"Also, the phenomenon of sea water advancing up the shore only to recede again later is called 'the tide'," Kulnari explained.