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NextDoor.com: Creepy President Spotted Lurking Around Downtown Bedminster
According to multiple posts on the online social network NextDoor.com, President Trump has managed to slip away from his Secret Service detail while on vacation in Bedminister and is currently loose on the streets of the small New Jersey town.
"Gonna sound unbelievable people, but there's an orange-faced man in a bathrobe hanging outside the 7-11 on Fern downtown I swear is the POTUS. Appeared to be pleasuring himself. Told me I have 'nice cans'. Super gross," a Danica C. posted.
Two minutes later, a second post by another woman backed up the first:
"Careful people. Just had a run in with the President outside the Sevie on Fern. Seems to have snapped. Was screaming about the 13 angry Democrats stuff and chased me halfway down the street. Def off his meds big time!"
As of press time, Trump was last seen urinating against the lobster roll truck that parks outside the Duane Reade on Grape Street and Main. Citizens are advised to exercise extreme caution.
Also on NextDoor, everyone in the neighborhoods' cats have gone missing and their cars were all broken into overnight.
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