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Bloomberg Proposes New York City Ban on Excrement Consumption

Days after a state Supreme Court judge thwarted his proposal to outlaw the sale large sugary drinks in restaurants and theaters, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced a new plan to prohibit New Yorkers from eating excrement.

The ban, which reportedly would include animal as well as human feces, is being proposed in an effort to promote public health, the mayor's office says.

"It is a scientific fact that eating poo is bad for your health," Bloomberg remarked during an interview Wednesday outside City Hall, "Whether it is your spouse's poo, your dog's or even your own, you should never eat poo."

"Poo belongs in the toilet, folks. Don't be a clown. Flush it down," Bloomberg said, by way of introducing a new slogan for the cause.

New York State Department of Health Commissioner David Livingstone emphasized the merits of the injunction.

"Not only does doodie contain no nutritional value, ingesting it can make you very sick – illnesses the cost of treating unfairly adds to the insurance burden of other Americans," Livingstone said.

Still, Bloomberg's proposed ban on the consumption of poop within New York City limits has sparked outrage amongst many who view it as an infringement on their personal freedom.

"What, now an adult man can't eat his own shit?" one man objected, "This is a slippery slope. Next they'll make a law against performing your own operations or punching yourself in the balls."

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