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Report: 98.9% of Americans Still too Lazy to Become Millionaires

A report issued Thursday reveals that 98.9% of Americans are too lazy to turn themselves into millionaires, marking a 0.1% improvement over the last quarter.

Though a seemingly modest gain, the 280,000 Americans who managed to pull themselves off the couch long enough to join the wealthy class topped analyst estimates by nearly 50,000.

"This further goes to show what a little hard work can get you," remarked Fast Money's David Einhorn, "After all, if this 0.1% can do it, anyone can."

Despite the better-than-expected data, the vast majority of Americans still lack the motivation to pull themselves together long enough to launch something as simple as a successful outsourcing consultation firm or multi-national pizza chain.

Reasoned Einhorn: "It would logically follow that these people simply don't care about money - that the 18 hours a day they devote to watching TV or staring out the window is more important than achieving financial success - if it wasn't for how vocal they've become in expressing their anger over not doing so, which suggests that what they relish most is feeling sorry for themselves."

Ryan McCarty of St. Petersburg, Florida, who joined the new 0.1% this year, backed Einhorn's theory.

"I used to just lie around the house going like, work sucks, or whatever, but then I was all, I should start a business that makes a lot of money or something, so I did and now I'm totally rich," he said.

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