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I Forgive You for Fucking Your Own Daughter, My Son
By: Jesus Christ

My son, I have heard your repentance and absolve you the sin of having intercourse with your 14 year-old daughter afflicted with Down Syndrome.

Yes my son, you have opened your heart to me as your savior and confessed your misdeeds, and I thereby forgive you for bending your non-verbal, mentally retarded daughter over a toilet and fucking her in the ass.

It would appear that I also grant you redemption for "accidentally" turning the channel to fisting porn while your ten year-old step-daughter was in the room, and for fingering her that one time in the kitchen.

I also forgive you for... oh, for Christ sake, spiking your ex-wife's coffee with ecstacy so you could get full custody of the mentally impaired daughter you were raping, and for justifying your actions with Bible passages - specifically those pertaining to Mary's marriage to Joseph at the age of 13, which you so poetically interpreted, "If it's old enough to bleed, it's old enough to breed."

Oh come on, man!

Still, I forgive you. That's just the way it works, evidently.

But as for your brother Tim who has never accepted me as his Lord and Savior and occasionally masturbates to his wife's Victoria Secrets catalogs when she's out shopping, well, he's just fucked.

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