Trump Vows to Restore Workplace Harassment

Pushing back against "PC thugs", President Trump vowed today that he would work to restore the rights of workers to harass one another in the workplace.

"Work used to be fun. I remember we used to round up all the company's gimps and race them in the parking lot," Trump reminisced. "We'd draw numbers on their backs and race them like crippled mules."

"People used to not be so uptight," the President lamented. "These days, you make one remark to a guy in a wheelchair about never having to take the stairs and they put you on notice. It's a real shame."

Not limiting his remarks to endorsing the liberalization of the harassment of the disabled, Trump also argued in favor of reinstating previous workplace standards of behavior relating to women.

"A woman busts her buns at the gym every day and doesn't want to hear how nice they look in a skirt? I don't think so," he remarked. "Let's give these gals a pat on the butt."

Directing his final remarks towards an unsighted reporter in the White House Rose Garden, Trump said that he would look into issuing an executive order on the matter while pantomiming using a cane and stumbling into a bird bath.