GOP Bill Aims To Limit What Constitutes Legitimate Animal Rape

Congressman Todd Akin (R, MO) introduced a bill co-sponsored by Jerry Cox (R, GA) on the floor of the House of Representatives today that would deeply narrow the scope of what constitutes legitimate animal rape in the United States.

Calling the nation's standing bestiality laws draconian and shortsighted, Akin appealed to his fellow legislators to follow his lead.

"Far too many men in this country have been wrongfully vilified for doing nothing more natural than expressing affection for the animals they own. The time has come to put an end to this injustice," Akin remarked.

During a noontime press conference Akin referenced "the implicit mutual nature" he says defines most of the interspecies relations his bill concerns.

"If you saw the look in the eyes of these cows and pigs – the way they saunter around, there'd be no doubt that this wasn't, you know, a one way kind of deal," he said.

In addition to non-forcible forms of animal rape, the Akin-Cox bill would exempt from prosecution any case of sex with an animal in which the man was drunk.

Meanwhile, liberal pundits have called into question the timing of the bill's introduction, accusing Akin of trying to exploit a wedge issue in his campaign for Senate against incumbent Claire McCaskill.

Remarked Lewis Colston of the Huffington Post: "This is an obvious attempt on Akin's part to rally his base of rapists and drunken pig farmers."