|Home||World||National||Opinion||Local||Entertainment||Home And Garden||Advice||Farts And Giggles|
Frankenstein Appointed New White House Press Secretary
The Obama administration announced the appointment of Frankenstien as the new White House Press Secretary this morning.
Frankenstein, an eight foot tall monster reanimated from dead tissue, will replace Robert Gibbs.
Known as a succinct, no-nonsense communicator, Democrat strategists hope Frankenstein's appointment will help make the party's message more accessible to the voting public.
"Jobs good!" Frankenstein shouted during his first press conference, pumping his fist in the air.
"No jobs bad!" Frankenstein added, pounding the podium for emphasis.
The Slate's Mario Plympton applauded the selection of Frankenstein.
"For too long Democrats have clung to the erroneous notion that expansive arguments and facts will sway voters, whereas Republicans know to use simple words, short sentences and a heavy dose of repetition," remarked Plympton.
Frankenstein issued some stern words for House Republicans, calling their recent vote to repeal President Obama's healthcare reform act "bad", before addressing the condition of America's education system.
"School good. Kids need learn," he proclaimed.
Though his time on the job has been brief, Frankenstein's words already appear to be resonating with the American public.
"I like jobs. Jobs are good," said one man, "And I agree. Kids need learn."
|Post-Modern Artist Claims Responsibility for Bombing in Iraq|
|Is Mount Rushmore Being "Muslim-ified"?|
Sex Advice For Sound Relationships
With: Barbara Bush
|Poll: 4% of Americans Vampires|