Reasons Why Your Attempt at Being an Influencer is Failing

As social media platforms continue to transform the landscape of modern marketing, more people interested in not doing anything meaningful with their lives are having success as online influencers.

But why not you?

Some possible reasons:

• You're fat.
• You're ugly.
• You're middle-aged.
• Nobody gives a shit about aquariums.
• Nobody gives a shit about mid-century modern furniture.
• You're boring.
• You're taste in ladies' footwear is appalling.
• Nobody wants to go to El Salvador.
• Your writing sucks.
• Nobody gives a shit about calligraphy.
• Nobody gives a shit about living on a houseboat.
• It's fucking yogurt. Who cares?
• Your opinions are lame.
• You're the only one who likes Algerian food.
• They're bath towels. Get a life.
• Places to go in Florida? No thanks.
• You're stupid.
• Essential oils? Fuck off.
• Nobody wants to go to Eritrea.
• Nobody wants to go to fucking Wales.
• You're bald.
• Your baby is ugly.
• Your taste in yoga mats is laughable.
• Its nail polish. Get over it.
• Some people can still think for themselves.
• Fuck you.