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Candidate Pledges to "Severely Fuck Up" State if Elected

State Congressional candidate Derrick Erdman reiterated his pledge today to "severely fuck up" the Tennessee's 6th district and as much of the Volunteer State as possible if he is elected in November.

Erdman cited his miserable experience both growing up and living as an adult in Somerset, Tennessee for wanting to exact the "greatest possible revenge" on the state.

"Tennessee is a horrible state and its citizens are terrible. I truly despise them," Erdman said.

Helming a tireless campaign fueled by spite, Erdman has vowed to build more prisons, close more schools, expand strip mining and fracking throughout the state, and fight to repeal all labor and environmental regulations that stand in Tennessee's way of more resembling China.

"A slow cancerous death toiling in a toxic, dystopian hell is exactly what these scumbags deserve," Erdman noted.

Recent polls show Erdman leading his challenger by a commanding 23% margin, as voters' support of his opposition to abortion and gay marriage continues to outweigh his plain-spoken opinion that they are all degenerate vermin.

Remarked Erdman: "More unwanted children and angry gay people translates into more public shootings, and I'm going to make sure those maniacs have access to all the guns and ammunition they need to kill as many of these bastards as possible."

 
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