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Dunkin' Donuts Plans Company-Wide Shut Down To Celebrate Not Being Racist
Dunkin' Donuts announced today that it will close all of its company-owned stores and corporate offices on the afternoon of May 29th in order to honor its employees' record of non-discrimination against its customers.
"Unlike some places, Dunkin' Donuts welcomes all races through its doors without prejudice or discrimination," Dunkin' Donuts Spokesman Riley Lahler remarked. "Black, White, Mexican, Oriental, everybody is family at Dunkin'."
"Pakistani, Persian, differently-abled, whatever," Lahler went on. "Come on in and work on your screenplay. You don't even have to buy anything. You can get an iced macchiato or one of our delicious Wake Up Wraps next time."
According to Dunkin' Special Events Coordinator Jacob Brown, the half hour paid shut down will include an array of festivities designed to celebrate the ethnic diversity of its workers.
"One thing we know is important to our workers is keeping it real, so we plan on keeping it really real," Brown said. "Not only have we arranged for some fly rappers to come perform in many of our locations, but we've hired hundreds of mariachi bands which our Hispanic employees should really enjoy as well."
As of press time, crowds of protesters have already begun to gather around several Dunkin' Donuts locations.
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