Congressional Gridlock Shuts Down March Madness

Congressional gridlock has halted this year's college hoops tournament in its tracks.

The whistle was blown on March Madness yesterday when it was discovered that a legislative standoff involving a measure to create a fund for victims of sexual trafficking that has been held up by a provision preventing that money from being used to fund abortions that has also delayed the confirmation proceedings of President Obama’s attorney general nominee Loretta E. Lynch for over four months has also ensnared the annual NCAA Men's Division I basketball tournament.

"An addendum to a paragraph discovered this morning by an intern on page 884 of the most recent revision of the sex-trafficking bill freezes all funding for federal agencies providing security and transportation services and support for sports and special events, including the Sweet 16," David Price of The Washington Post reported.

Democratic Senators, who are all in favor of the sex-trafficking bill, mostly in favor of Mrs. Lynch's confirmation, and mostly opposed to legislation restricting access to abortions, called foul on the rider obstructing March Madness, blaming Republicans for what they branded a "disgraceful ploy of political gamesmanship".

"The GOP should be ashamed of themselves," Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid remarked, "Americans are having to work harder than ever to make ends meet thanks to these animals, and now they're trying to deprive them of their basket hoops."

Meanwhile, Senate Republicans, who are mostly in favor of the sex-trafficking bill, mostly opposed to Mrs. Lynch's confirmation, and almost all in favor of legislation restricting access to abortions, deny adding the new clause, instead pointing the finger of blame back onto Democrats.

Remarked Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell: "This is nothing more than a cynical stunt perpetrated by Democrats who think so little of their country's hard-working people and their proud institutions that they would throw a monkey wrench into their shooty-ball competition in a pathetic plot to blame it on the Republican Party and make it look bad."

Meanwhile, political analysts predict March Madness might resume in November, at the earliest.