Poll: Climate Change Rises to #8 Most Important Issue Post-Helene

A new poll taken since Hurricane Helene wreaked destruction across the southeastern US last week shows an increase in Americans who say that climate change policy will influence how they vote this November.

Up from 17% to 19%, the incremental upward shift pushed climate change past marijuana legalization into the 8th spot of issues voters considered most important this election cycle, just below the participation of trans athletes in sports.

"It's really disturbing when you think about it," one man remarked on the poll's results. "How can you have a person who was born a male competing against girls? They're bigger, stronger, faster. It's not fair."

"And sports like track and field hockey or whatnot are one thing, but what about boxing?" the man continued. "How would you like to watch your daughter getting pummeled by a dude with big man muscles in a sports bra?"

Brandon Crawford, a 20-year-old college student from Dillard, Oregon, a town which narrowly avoided destruction by a massive forest fire two years ago, mentioned the realignment of college football conferences as an issue he'd like to see the government address.

"How can Oregon be in the Big Ten now? It's a Midwest conference," Crawford pointed out. "So, the Ducks have to travel like two million miles every time we're on the road? That makes real f***ing sense."

"Not to mention there are like a hundred teams in the Big Ten now," Crawford added. "They should call it the Big Hundred. What bulls***."